crazy people part dos

OMG my ex still doesn't get it!!!! If you felt like I was such a beautiful woman and such a good woman then you should have treated me as such when you had me. Its too late I'm done I mean does he actually think by calling, texting and emailing me 24/7 I am going to take him back? No cause that actually irritates me and gets on my nerves!! When someone says they dont want to be bothered, take their word for it! you cannot force someone to like you, love you or want to be with you! And they more you push, the further away they go!

So anyhoo, I wanted to get a mans perspective on the celibacy thing, so I asked a friend of a friend what he thought. And he posed the question : would you buy a car without test driving it first? And the answer is absolutely not!! But is that how we should look at our potential mate? As a car? And inanimate object? In a way it kind of makes sense but think about it this way. Sex is (was intended to be) a gift and privilege given by God to married people as a way to show their love for one another. It was never intended to be given away freely to anyone who wanted it. So if you're not supposed to have sex before marriage, that means that both the man and the woman are virgins so if they have never experience sex before they have nothing to compare it to, so how would you know whether the sex was good or bad? You wouldnt! you would think it was the best thing ever!!!! How enlightening is that?? two people giving each other something that they have never given anyone else! And never wishing or hoping for anything other than what you already have because in your mind there is nothing better? And yes you can have that without being a virgin at marriage, but a lot of people dont think that way. if they did the divorce rate wouldnt be so high and people wouldnt be running around here cheating all over the place. correct me if I'm wrong...................... seriously if you agree or disagree lets start talking about it!

crazy people

Ok, people are crazy for real! For some strange reason my ex just cannot get it through his head that its over and I dont want to be with him!! I have said it a million times in a million different ways but he still just keeps thinking that he has a chance. For those of you who know me, you know that I can be a sweet as pie or I can flip the switch on you in a minute and be the bitch from hell!!!!! Believe me you dont want to be the one to hit that switch! I have tried everything to get him to leave me alone. So this morning I told him that i met someone that I'm trying to get to know, so getting back with him is NOT on my agenda! Why he hit me with " well, good luck and i hope you are making the right decision because I'm not going to play second to anyone, blah blah blah!" Whoa, lets back up a bit, play second? how about you arent even on the roster? I'm telling yall this dude is mentally challenged and needs help! Ok now that thats out of the way, back to my business!

So I was able to fight temptation again! Go Kiki go kiki! But yes it was soooooo hard! Especially when you have a sexy, tall dark man whispering in your ear. not to mention to Gi Joes and abs of steel, and I never knew a man could have such a sexy belly button!! OMGosh! Yes it did get hot and heavy but I had to catch myself!!! So whats a girl to do? I know that I never really should have put myself in that position to begin with but................... This is all so confusing to me! Help people, I need advice!

confessions

so yesterday's entry was pretty boring right? well boy oh boy do i have some juice for you today! i dont even have time for punctuation. so as i said before, all truth no lies no exaggerations! after i watched taking the stage last night, i was sooo bored!! i read a little of my book and then the phone rang. it was my "friend". my first inclination was to pick it up ( i was bored remember) but i didnt. i let it go to voicemeil, then about 20 minutes later i got a text saying i'm on my way. i said okay after i convinced myself that just because he was coming over didnt mean we had to do anything, we could just sit and talk and watch tv. he asked if he could stay the night and i said okay. i said a prayer for strength and waited...... next thing i know i wake up to use the bathroom, look at the clock and its 3 am. i checked my phone, no missed calls no missed texts! i got pissed, like why would he say he was coming at not show up???? how rude is that? how disrespectful? i mean i didnt actually "wait up"for him but i was expecting him to come over since he did say he was on his way! so i sent him a smart alec text then went back to bed. i woke up this morning with a new perspective on it! Seriously, how likely was it that he could come over, stay the night and us not do anything? i said i was celibate, not "dead", a girl still has desires!! lol! so i prayed about it, and asked God to take the temptation out of my mind and body. it may sound cliche but the Lord really does work in mysterious ways! I truly believe God stepped in last night and prevented me from making a mistake that i would truly regret, a mistake that would leave me right back at square one! God knows our hearts and all of our thoughts, whether we believe that or not its true! i have no idea what his reason was why he didnt show up and i really dont care! whew, had to get that off my chest! see i told yall i wasnt trying to be little miss perfect! almost had a slip up!!!

another day

My baby girl was sick today! So I spent most of my day trying to get her better. Turns out she has a sinus infection! So she's on antibiotics. Didnt have much time to think about my situation! But I am thanking God for giving me the strength to cut someone out of my life that doesnt have my best interest in mind! It feels so good knowing I did the right thing. Because its sooo much easier to do the wrong thing than it is to do right. And yes I'm tooting my own horn!!!!! Goodnight, maybe tomorrow will bring more excitement!

I hope it stays this easy!

What's up people? I'm really surprised that my "friend" hasn't called or texted me yet trying to come over! I guess he's not that much of a friend after all, huh? But its good that he hasnt, I don't need that temptation right now. And other than him, I don't really talk to any males. Anyhoo, I was talking to my friend's husband last night and I told him about me deciding to become celibate! He didnt have too much to say really, just a raised eyebrow! But I really wanted to get a males perspective of it. We all know men think a lot differently than women do! He was suggesting a couple of friends that he could hook me up with, so we will see. I dont know if I really want to be hooked up or not! I mean I would definitely enjoy the conversation and camaraderie of a male friend, but like I told him its going to take a strong man to commit to this whole celibacy thing with me. With sex being so commonplace these days, most people dont think anything of it anymore. But if you think about it, its supposed to be this sacred thing that you share with the person you love, and its supposed to show love! Hence the phrase "making love". I dont know I guess I'm a true Pisces because I really believe in fairy tales and happy endings! But I am realistic at the same time! Some may see it as conceit, but I know I'm a good woman and I know I could be an even better woman to the right man! Sometimes I think back on my last relationship and it pains me to see how I wasted so much time and energy on someone who was not worth it at all! All of the homecooked meals; breakfast lunch and dinner, all the times he would come home from work to a spotless house and his plate sitting on the table ready for him and the TV turned to ESPN! The times he was tired so I would take his shoes off for him, all the times his work clothes were picked out (down to the wife beater, boxers, socks and shoes) and ironed! I mean he had it all and didnt know what to do with it!! Its really sad! But thats okay, because the next time I treat a man like that, he will be a MAN not a boy and he will be mature and intelligent enough to realize what he has and he will treat me twice as good as I treat him! See I dont mind be "submissive" to a man that is worthy. Thats not the issue, the issue is where are the men that are worthy???? Well I guess I better get to work now! Otherwise I could go on and on and on!

day two

So far so good!!! LOL, its only been one day! But I woke up this morning in a great mood! Started the day off with a prayer, for myself and those I love! Cause those I love have been going through some things too! Then I let Marvin Sapp sing me all the way to work. Next thing I know the tears just started flowing! I'm a crybaby anyway, but I just started thinking about all that I have been through and how all that is in the past and now I have a bright future to look forward to. Between work, school and being a mom I have a pretty busy life but God keeps blessing me and allowing me to have have friends and family to support me through it all. At times it does get stressful but I always make it! I'm out!

Day one! My vow of celibacy!

Today I made the decidion to become celibate! I know, I know its a big step and "it sounds good" right? Well I'm going to do it! I have to do it. I told my sister and my closest friends. So far they have been sooo supportive of my decision. At 30 years old its time for a change. I'm reading a book called Down on my Knees by Victor Mc Glothin, and this book has really inspired me. There are so many expectations that I have for this "perfect" mate that I know God is going to send me. But will I be ready for him when he comes? Or will I be so engrossed in these so called "friends with benefits" arrangements that we as women find ourselves falling into? I'm sorry, but I KNOW that you cannot simply have a physical relationship with anyone without feelings becoming involved. And if you think you can, you are wrong. I dont want to miss out on my blessing. I have grown so much in the past five years! I'm trying so desperately to live my life in such a way that is pleasing to God and it gets hard! Its hard changing after living a certain way for so long. I'm not trying to be high and mighty or holier than thou, nor am I trying to judge anyone for doing what makes them happy or what they feel is right. I'm not judgemental at all, anyone who knows me will vouch for that! No one is perfect, especially not me! This is simply a CHOICE that I am making. I am a Christian, grew up "in the church" but havent been living the life I should. And who has? Dont get me wrong, the real me is the real me. Thats never going to change. But I am going to change this behavior that has had me down for this long. This behavior that only grants me instant gratification then leaves me still feeling like there's a void in my life somewhere. For those that know me, you know I just got out of an unhealthy relationship. I'm not trying to go back to that. I totally believe what the Bible says about sexual sin. So how can I believe that but not believe that I will face the consequences of that sin just as I would if I lie, steal or kill? Truth is, I have been facing the consequences all along and just didnt know it! I want an honest, successful, family oriented, intelligent, sensitive, God-fearing man (the list can go on and on) who loves me for ME, for who I am inside not just for what he sees outside. Someone who will love the real me. I know its going to take a lot of prayer but I'm ready and willing to do what it takes. Pray for me!