day two

So far so good!!! LOL, its only been one day! But I woke up this morning in a great mood! Started the day off with a prayer, for myself and those I love! Cause those I love have been going through some things too! Then I let Marvin Sapp sing me all the way to work. Next thing I know the tears just started flowing! I'm a crybaby anyway, but I just started thinking about all that I have been through and how all that is in the past and now I have a bright future to look forward to. Between work, school and being a mom I have a pretty busy life but God keeps blessing me and allowing me to have have friends and family to support me through it all. At times it does get stressful but I always make it! I'm out!

Day one! My vow of celibacy!

Today I made the decidion to become celibate! I know, I know its a big step and "it sounds good" right? Well I'm going to do it! I have to do it. I told my sister and my closest friends. So far they have been sooo supportive of my decision. At 30 years old its time for a change. I'm reading a book called Down on my Knees by Victor Mc Glothin, and this book has really inspired me. There are so many expectations that I have for this "perfect" mate that I know God is going to send me. But will I be ready for him when he comes? Or will I be so engrossed in these so called "friends with benefits" arrangements that we as women find ourselves falling into? I'm sorry, but I KNOW that you cannot simply have a physical relationship with anyone without feelings becoming involved. And if you think you can, you are wrong. I dont want to miss out on my blessing. I have grown so much in the past five years! I'm trying so desperately to live my life in such a way that is pleasing to God and it gets hard! Its hard changing after living a certain way for so long. I'm not trying to be high and mighty or holier than thou, nor am I trying to judge anyone for doing what makes them happy or what they feel is right. I'm not judgemental at all, anyone who knows me will vouch for that! No one is perfect, especially not me! This is simply a CHOICE that I am making. I am a Christian, grew up "in the church" but havent been living the life I should. And who has? Dont get me wrong, the real me is the real me. Thats never going to change. But I am going to change this behavior that has had me down for this long. This behavior that only grants me instant gratification then leaves me still feeling like there's a void in my life somewhere. For those that know me, you know I just got out of an unhealthy relationship. I'm not trying to go back to that. I totally believe what the Bible says about sexual sin. So how can I believe that but not believe that I will face the consequences of that sin just as I would if I lie, steal or kill? Truth is, I have been facing the consequences all along and just didnt know it! I want an honest, successful, family oriented, intelligent, sensitive, God-fearing man (the list can go on and on) who loves me for ME, for who I am inside not just for what he sees outside. Someone who will love the real me. I know its going to take a lot of prayer but I'm ready and willing to do what it takes. Pray for me!